a little bit of erica by my side

mambo number 5 had it right, we all need a little erica in our lives :)

Month: July, 2013

Read

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li·brar·y
/ˈlīˌbrerē/

 Noun
  1. A building or room containing collections of books, periodicals, and sometimes films and recorded music for people to read, borrow, or refer to
  2. A collection of books and periodicals held in such a building or room

Wouldn’t it be great to have a library that you could call your own? I would love to have a place that smelled like books and always had a new one (or an old one I have yet to read) ready for me. I would love an overstuffed chair or a book nook. I would love to have a system of organization to keep the books straight. Would it be alphabetical or duodecimal? Nope. It would be based on colour, or if I have read it or not, or if I liked it or loved it or didn’t care for it too much at all. It would probably change with my mood, or if I was in need of a good organize. My library would be a reflection of my mind.

“Once you learn to read, you will be forever free.”
– Frederick Douglass

We Live In A Beautiful World, Ya We Do

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Garden State is one of my favourite movies. It is funny, sad, cute, and meaningful. If you haven’t watched it and you are into quirky movies, give this one a shot!

No Telling How All This Will Work Out

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Life hasn’t been very kind to me lately
But I suppose it’s a push for moving on
In time the sun’s gonna shine on me nicely
Something tells me good things are coming and I ain’t gonna not believe

I am looking for freedom, looking for freedom
And to find it, cost me everything I have
Well I am looking for freedom, looking for freedom
And to find it, may take everything I have

Freedom  – Anthony Hamilton & Elayna Boynton

Sun – Sand – Trees – Stars

I have the urge to go camping! And I would love some uninterrupted book reading time. Maybe this weekend I will head outdoors for just a night or two and enjoy the company of Mother Nature…

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Live Until You Aren’t

The point of my life is to live it. 
To be happy and not hurt anyone in the process.

Life is a day-at-a-time thing. 

One, Two, Buckle My Shoe

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I so badly want 2 chickens. I think a brown one and a spotted one would be the best ever. Think about having fresh eggs in the morning, being able to know that the chickens who produce them are happy and loved… that sounds lovely to me. 

Bwak, bwak, bwak. I want some chickens. 

Inhale, Exhale And Appreciate

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Down By The Riverside

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I feel like I don’t belong. At least in this one group, especially with this one situation. I was not really part of that whole group of friends. I was friends with them, yes. But I was not ‘let’s hang out after school’ friends. I was friends in the ‘we text each other,’ ‘hang out often enough,’ ‘have a history of friendship’ with two guys in the group. One who I have known since diapers. We are neighbours, looked after by the same pseudo grandparents, really good friends. The other I met in grade 6 when I had to start a new school. He was so unique right from the time I met him, but the most genuine and kind person. Later on, when we were teenagers, we dated for a total of 5 months. I broke it off. I was dealing with too much in my personal life to be able to handle a relationship, let alone a long distance one (he went off to boarding school. No, for real, boarding school). But, somehow we managed to salvage the friendship we had previously. Somehow we managed to continue to be a part of each others lives in a really great way. We didn’t always keep in touch all that great, but we always reconnected when we were back in town. 

During Christmas break of 2012, on December 21, I got a phone call from the first guy. He told me that our friend had killed himself. I have never had someone in my life die like that. I had never had someone I was connected to, someone who impacted my life so greatly, choose to end their life. I was hurting like I had never known. December 21, 2012 turned out to be the end of the world for some people after all.

Now, fast forward to July 2013. His family is having a memorial service. Everyone is included (I think). But I don’t know any of the details. I have been finding out about it from some of the group. While the first guy is dealing with so much, I don’t want to bother him. But I want to go with him to the memorial. I want to feel a connection to someone while I am there. I don’t want to show up alone. I don’t want to have to deal with the memorial alone. I am scared – scared of what I am sure to feel. 

I know that my friend was loved by so many people. He had such an impact on my life. I know he had a great impact on so many other peoples existences as well. I sometimes can’t believe that I will never get to hear his deeply philosophical ideas, or share music with him. I can’t believe I lost a great person, a great friend, to suicide. To mental illness.

If anyone reading this is having thoughts or feelings about not wanting to be around, about killing themselves, I hope you get through the struggles in your life and see the light at the other side. It’s there. I know it is. Find someone who you can talk to, a place that you can go to feel safe and accepted. You are important. 

Kids Help Phone (Canada)
1-800-668-6868
http://www.kidshelpphone.ca/Teens/Home.aspx

Crisis Intervention and Suicide Prevention Centre (BC)
1-800-SUICIDE
http://www.crisiscentre.bc.ca/

Or:

– dial emergency services in your area

– go to your local hospital emergency room

 

We’ve Got The Vision, Now Let’s Have Some Fun

If I could do whatever I wanted guilt-free, with no timeline, no responsibilities, no one to worry about and nothing to plan for, I would…

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read, do more yoga, sit in a sauna, sleep, draw, paint, create, go thrift shopping, make dinner for a big group of people I love, try to find new music to download, garden, write that children’s book I have been thinking about for ages, cut the grass (This is my favourite chore…), go climbing, crochet, embroider, sew, photography, watch an excessive amount of movies that I have wanted to see for so long.

 

I’d have time to pretend.

When The Cat Is Away, The Mice Will Play

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Living on your own is great… most of the time.

But spending over 2 weeks living with my brother while my parents were out of town… was a long time. I am not sure if it because I have 2 jobs, am doing an online course for my degree, attempting to challenge a course that is offered in the Fall, and had 2 friends visit from out of province for 10 days that made this time seem so crazy. Perhaps if I had been a little less busy while my parents were away I might have been able to play and relax and enjoy a little bit of freedom. But instead I just worked, worked, studied, and took part in friend activities (which was fun, relaxing, and just all around lovely… while simultaneously being busy).

But, my parents come home tomorrow, my course is done on Friday, and I have a week off of one job to go camping with my other job for 3 days next week (which means that weekend will be a 4 day weekend for me!) So there is light at the end of the busy-ness tunnel. And, frankly, there was light in the busy-ness tunnel too. When my friends were here I was able to get some time off so I could be there for the wedding dress shopping, the BBQ’s, and all the hilarious and fun moments in between. I love my friends and I was so happy they were able to visit. We have planned a little party in May that we will reunite for so the countdown (and the money saving) has begun! I have been able to chill with Russell, which is great because I love my brother. I have even been able to keep the house clean… well cleanish anyways… 

I have been doing a whole lot. But it has been good. I have been having such a blast with everything in my life these days. There are people who I wish I could see more of, but when I do see them I enjoy every minute. I love my jobs, my friends, my family, and myself. I am happy. Tired… but happy.